Have it All

I feel like I’ve given God a lot this year. These past few months have been filled with, “Here God, you can have this too.” But I wasn’t saying, “Here God, you can have it ALL.” That’s where I’ve fallen short. I’ve given God my relationships. My earthly hopes and dreams. My time and space. My decisions, thoughts and actions. To say the least, I felt pretty good about myself and my ability to give God control over “most” of my life. Right when I thought I had given Him all He wanted, He reminded me of my selfishness and desire to know it all. To have a plan. Ha! A plan? Seriously Amelia? You’re making plans when you don’t even know what tomorrow holds. But God knows. He knew COVID would affect my plans to go home in August. He knew I needed this whole trip and experience to realize just how much of my life I was holding back from Him. I’m sorry Jesus that I haven’t given you every burden. I’m sorry I haven’t given you my future. I’m sorry I haven’t given you the here and now. Coming from the Western world, we are all too quick to set a date, make plans, book a ticket; when we don’t even know what the next hour holds. With borders and airports closed, I’ve been as anxious as ever to go home. To fix this so I can go through with my plan to be here only a year. I can try to make excuses of being anxious, like, “oh, but money, God? I don’t have the resources to stay here longer.” When in reality, I’m just a little irritated that things aren’t going the way I expected. Which means I’ve been thinking a whole lot about me and not about God and His Will. You can have it all Lord. Take this next year, take my future, make Your desires and hopes my desires and hopes. That I would remember that all of this, the breath in my lungs, the place I’m at, the people I’m with, it’s all for You. Here’s to trusting you with whatever’s next. For praising you and pursuing you even when things are unexpected and for acknowledging your provision when times are good. I love you. I’m here, I’m listening, and I’ll take risks for you. Bring it on.