182.5

This time, 182 and a half days ago, I was just a girl with a one way ticket to South Africa. It has been the first of many new things for me. My first flight alone. My first Christmas without some little person jumping on my bed yelling, “GET UP GET UP GET UP!” My first apartment. I’m not a decision making person at all, but here I am, having to make them all on my own. Half a year of learning a new culture, eating rice (oh man, don’t get me started) singing Mlindo songs, and learning how to be a teacher to teenage girls 😜 has been one for the books.

So much has happened in the last six months, but I don’t want to bore you with all the details, so I’ll give highlights of each month so far.

August – This first month was HARD. So so hard. Stepping into a new culture and meeting so many people who, now, are some of my favorite people in the whole world, was difficult at first. My highlight of this month was the moments before I went through security at O’hare. Standing in the middle of (what must have looked like a crowd to some) 11 people, as they huddled around me, some in tears, others acting too cool to care that their big sister was leaving for a year, and two of the most humble and encouraging people I’ve had the pleasure of spending my entire life with, looking at me and probably thinking, “where did time go.” What I loved most about it wasn’t the giggles from Silas, or the hug from Jakobi (which is unheard of by the way), it was the fact that each person in my not so little clan, was praying for me. Because they know God’s got me. I wish I would have turned around and waved one last time at those 11 people, but I knew if I did I’d probably be tempted to run back into their open arms and throw my bags back in the van. So here I am.

September – Blur. That’s the word that describes this month! Haha! Having just graduated, I had no idea what I was in for when I signed up to be a homeschool teacher. It takes a lot more effort than I originally thought. Despite the stress of lesson planning however, I grew so much in my faith. So far, September was probably the month I felt closest to God. As I think about it now, it is probably because I felt very alone. And I had no WiFi that whole month, so my Bible stared me right in the face and said, “well? You gonna open me up or what?” “My cup overflowed” in September, and I think it was God preparing me for the relationships that were to come. He wanted me to realize that He will always be there for me, even when I feel alone. Once I found comfort in Him in my loneliness, I started seeing the human relationships I was so desperately craving come to life.

October – Who doesn’t love relationships? So many friendships were formed this month, with the girls and the Hosea’s Heart staff! I began to invest my time and energy into those budding relationships (no matter how much basketball I had to play). At this point I was getting into the groove of teaching, so things weren’t as stressful, we also moved into the apartment at the beginning of October, so accessing Crash Course videos (thank you John Green) was a real life saver. Out of the 16 girls, I was close with only about 5 or 6. The younger girls took to my obnoxiousness, while the older ones decided to keep their distance. (I would have too if I saw me dancing and trying to make friends by embarrassing myself). All in all, this was a good month, I was starting to see opportunities for me to connect and invest in the girls education and spiritual growth.

November – “what are you most excited for?” I was probably asked this question 100 times before I left for Eswatini. My answer was always the same, “I’m excited for 3 months in, you know, because by that time I’ll be used to everything and will know everyone!” November didn’t live up to all I thought it would be if I’m honest. I was starting to realize that I had so much more time to go yet. Could I do this a whole year? What impact was I making anyway? Some of the girls still won’t talk to me!!! What’s with that? And I’m a terrible teacher compared to the other teachers. I missed home. And I needed a break. My mom had just left the first week of November after visiting with Hannah (SURPRISE!) and seeing them leave made it that much harder to have a good attitude about being here. I truly didn’t feel like I was doing much, other than assigning homework. So I fell into the motions, get up, drink coffee, go to school, teach, come home, prep, sleep. Where was the crazy growth I was expecting?! And so, November came and went.

December – I’m sorry if this is too long. But I promise, this is where it gets good. Break. Ahhhh. Hannah’s (my roommate) friend came to visit about a week into Eswatini’s blistering hot summer, and we spent a week snorkeling, swimming, and having really good, much needed conversations. It was refreshing. Some of the girls weren’t able to go home for Christmas because of home life, so some pretty incredible friends back home made it possible for Hannah and I to take the girls to a lodge to swim and get away from the girls home. It was so much fun. Girls are so much fun in general. I remember walking with a few of the girls to the store to buy s’mores (because duh) and I thought, “I love this.” I really do.

January – All 16 girls are not only my students, but also my sisters. I don’t know how it happened, but all of a sudden, every SINGLE girl decided to love me, talk to me, and join in on my obnoxiousness. By far my favorite part of this experience. Thank you Jesus for bringing me all the way here. When I thought I would never be able to connect with each of them personally, when I thought I would always get the stink eye from that one girl in class, when I thought I would never be a good enough teacher. He changed everything I “thought” in 2019 in 2020. I now teach 10 classes, 5 English and 5 Religious Education. I assign homework without worrying about if they are gonna hate me tomorrow. I look each of them in the eye and make jokes and tell them straight up what they are doing well and what they need to improve. I might not see the spiritual impact I’m making, but I can feel the change inside me. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not even sure what I was afraid of, but I know that the fear that was holding me down is gone, and I’m free. I’m confident that the next 182 and a half days are going to be life changing. Yes, I might stumble, get hurt, and cry out to Jesus with my favorite question for Him lately, “why?” But I’m not going to doubt Him for a second. He knows exactly what all this is for, and He’s asking me to just be free. Love Him, love these girls, rely on the Spirit to guide me, and pray that 2020 would be a year of incredible growth in my life and the lives of those influenced by Hosea’s Heart.